Sunday, June 24, 2007

detest

MAN!!! I DETEST THE LIFE I'M LIVING NOW!!! It's really not a good feeling to wake up in the morning, having no idea what to do next. It's like wasting my time away. It's really not a good feeling to become more and more lukewarm when last time I'm so on fire. It's really not a good feeling to be unable to get closer to Him, unable to bring down the presence. It's really not a good feeling to always be so slack in my accountability, last minute information. It's really not a good feeling to be unable to make the planned targets come true. I'm sick and tired of this kind of life man..........

Numbers 11:4-6 (NKJV)
4Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept and said: "Who will give us meat to eat? 5We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!"

Numbers 11:19-20 (NKJV)
19You shall eat, not one day, nor two days, nor five days, nor ten days, nor twenty days, 20but for a whole month, until it comes out of your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have despised the LORD who is among you, and have wept before Him saying, "Why did we ever up of Egypt?" ' "

You eat sweets, and over time the taste becomes blunt and disgusting to you. You eat salty delights, and over time your mouth becomes dry. You eat spicy food, and over time you feel disgusted.

Truely, I've been longing for "Egypt", longing for comfort, being passive. Now, I've gotton the comfort, but now it becomes loathsome to me!

I want to bear my cross and walk with Jesus again...

Scord@ive; 6/24/2007 11:10:00 PM